This story out of NC is funny. Thing is, WTF did not originate in the “Internet era.” I joined the Army in January 1989. The first thing a Drill Sargent yelled at us when we got to Fort Jackson was “WTF are you doing still on my bus?!?!” And I know it wasn’t a new phrase back then. Sure there are new phrases and stuff but most of them are adaptations that were already in use.

BTW, once we got to the unit… they quit using the letters.

A crusty old man walks into the local First Baptist Church
and says to the secretary, “I would like to join this damn
church.”The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon,
sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn
church!” “I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is
not tolerated in this church.” The secretary leaves her
desk and goes into the pastor’s study to inform him of her
situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does
not have to listen to that foul language.They both return to
her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, “Sir,what
seems to be the problem here?” “There is no damn problem,”
the man says. “I just won $200 million bucks in the damn
lottery and I want to join this damn
church to get rid of some of this damn money.”"I see,” said
the pastor. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?”

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

10 MILES

? ? ?

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought.

Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

5 MILES

? ? ?

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

NEXT RIGHT

? ? ?

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, “What may we do for you my son?”

He answers, “I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business….”

“Very well my son. Please follow me.” He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, “Please knock on this door.”

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door…. This nun instructs, “Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.”

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

“Wow. Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night, the UPS man comments.

Bob, in obvious pain, replies “Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had
about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I.”

The UPS man thinks a moment and says, “How do you play WHO AM I?”

“Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our ‘privates’ showing through a hole in the
sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.

“The UPS man laughs and says, “Damn, I’m sorry I missed that.”

“Probably a good thing you did,” Bob responds. “Your name came up seven times”

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a
loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “It is three o’clock in the
morning.”

He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No. I did not. Its three o’clock in the morning and it is
pouring rain outside!”

His wife said, “Can’t you remember about three months ago when
we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should
help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man does as he is told (of course!), gets dressed and goes
out into the pouring rain.

He calls out into the dark, “Hello! Are you still there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes! Please!” comes the reply from the darkness.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing!!” replies the drunk.

The Four Curses of the IT Biz | Shark Bait

The Four Curses of the IT Biz
Topic(s): Floundering Users
Submitted by: renman – Wed, 01/10/2007 – 19:25

The four curses of the IT biz are:

1) If you do a great job, nobody notices. They only notice when things go wrong.

2) Nobody outside of IT really knows what you do. They don’t know the difference between a junior PC tech and a senior network security expert, or between a kid who has learned some HTML and a seasoned programmer who can handle large-scale, multi-platform development efforts.

3) Anybody who’s unafraid of their home PC knows as much as you do. Just ask them. Corollary: Why doesn’t our entire corporation do things the way I do them at home?

4) Your friends, neighbors, and relatives can ask you for free help on whatever computer problems they’re having, big or small.