A crusty old man walks into the local First Baptist Church
and says to the secretary, “I would like to join this damn
church.”The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon,
sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn
church!” “I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is
not tolerated in this church.” The secretary leaves her
desk and goes into the pastor’s study to inform him of her
situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does
not have to listen to that foul language.They both return to
her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, “Sir,what
seems to be the problem here?” “There is no damn problem,”
the man says. “I just won $200 million bucks in the damn
lottery and I want to join this damn
church to get rid of some of this damn money.”"I see,” said
the pastor. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?”

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.” In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft; we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh! would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive — but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation” warning light.

7.The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.