I’ve been writing these all day. It’s very uneven. I wrote some while mad, some while almost crying, some while happy she’ll be gone. Take it for what it is…

No idea where to start. Lisa and I are breaking up. That sounds too nice. Lisa’s leaving. That’s better. She has decided that she’s a lesbian. She’s going to rent a place with her new lover, Robin, and Robin’s sister. The boys are staying with me.

I know I’m not alone but it sure feels like it when I’m trying to go to sleep. I’ve never slept well when Lisa wasn’t there. Slept on the couch last night. Don’t know if the bed will ever feel right again.

Lisa says she’s not leaving because of someone. I know she believes that. But she is leaving FOR someone. She’s still going to have someone to hold every night. Someone to love, emotionally and physically.

Delta as a company is very open to homosexuals. I wonder if I can get a week of bereavement leave because my wife, my partner, my best friend of 10 years suddenly decides to she’s disgusted by the male body.

This would be much easier to deal with if it wasn’t so unexpected. She’s been attracted to women, but so have a lot of women. She’s always said that there’s no way she could go without being with men. You can imagine why everyone is surprised.

I’m going to be the primary caregiver for two boys. I know we’ll be fine. I do. I hate being stuck like this. I know we’ll be better off once we’re alone. We’ll be able to start getting into our new routine. I’ll stop being reminded every day of how much it hurts.

I can’t really say I’m surprised we’re going to divorce. We’ve sort of talked about it before. But we were both in a agreement that if we did, it would be because it was the right thing to do. That there would never be another person involved. She was wrong. Or, as the cynics out there would say, she lied.

I hope this is what she wants. I hope she’s found happiness. I hate to think that she’s throwing away 10 years with me on a mistake. I don’t care if it’s with Robin or not. Personally, if she truly is a lesbian and this is the way she’ll be from now on, I’ll be surprised if she stays with the first girl she finds. Whatever her preference may be, she’ll still want to explore.

Lisa says she understands how much chaos this is causing. I’m not sure she does. I don’t even know yet. I do know taking care of the boys will be all I’m doing for a while. We have to figure out a system that’s going to work for us. Hope it doesn’t take long. At least school’s out Friday so I won’t have to worry about that.